Throat Chakra (step 5)
Be this the middle of my week, Wednesday, and not Saturday, I didn’t expect to be writing in this log today. Like a good student I decided it was necessary to relay what happened to get me writing and get my mind open and clear to all of the situations happening around me. Tonight’s events started out bumpy and progressed into a full blown rock slide. My husband has invited a lot of his male family to stay at our house from the east and west coasts to celebrate his father’s birthday: a guy get together. The festivities today were simple enough: hanging out, playing games, enjoying food and beer. I worked all day at the spa and came home to the relaxed environment. Stepping into the house I became a bit guarded when I saw the amount of beer bottles lining our huge kitchen island. Trying hard not to judge I went through the kitchen and found my husband drinking and texting with someone. To recap back in April after our big fight he had promised me that him moving forward meant he would socially drink, having only around two beers in these situations. I felt my husband would end up resenting me for this decision so after a few weeks of making this promise I told him he could drink as much as he wanted as long as he kept his phone off for that night. I felt like I needed him to adhere to this because the night of our big fight in April he had been drunk and texting a woman inappropriately, so in order to leave me with peace of mind moving forward I asked that he do this one thing for me so that I didn’t have to worry during nights when he chose to drink. This seemed to be understood and a good balance between both of our needs. Unfortunately the last three times my husband has been intoxicated he has broken this promise to me and has had his phone on and been caught texting. The last time this happened I thought I had made amends with the situation and found a way to let go of the need to control, but here I am again questioning his ability to understand me and the verbal agreements we have committed to each other.
It is late Wednesday night and my husband and the family are leaving to pick up a last minute arrival from the Cleveland, Ohio airport. Before my husband left we exchanged words about the current situation. Unable to resolve our discrepancies we decided to leave the matter until Monday, giving the boys their week of festivities. The boys are now gone and the kids are asleep. Not being able to detach from this current situation and knowing all my issues thus far have had significance and meaning I decided to proceed to my bedroom and go into a deep meditation for further clarity. During my meditation I looked for any possible clues into this night's events and why I was allowing myself to get hurt over and over again by this same situation when I felt like I had already released the feelings connected to it. Knowing this had to have some deeper meaning into the throat chakra I decided to question both points together and here is what I found:
I was told that my husband and I function from different energetic plains. My husband is working from a very physical plain. I was told he does not seek an opening in his higher chakras used to develop more spirituality and lives within a very physical realm. He uses his throat chakra or words to bring immediate fulfillment. Whenever there is a situation like this he looks for a way to bring immediate closure and satisfy the parties involved. He is a person functioning from the root chakra. I was shown a very big tree and told "this is your husband, firmly rooted, extremely present, and unwavering. He will use speech to achieve a desired result and will do anything necessary to create a sense of harmony within his present state of being." I was taken back to the night he and I sat together after I had threatened divorce and was told that all the words spoken and all of the admissions made were done to create a sense of agreement and create ease for that present moment. I was told there is no malicious intent in how or why he acts in such a manner; that this is just his way of operating. He will do whatever necessary to fix and mend current situations without thinking of the bigger meaning or picture. It was made clear that this is his level of comprehension and understanding. That night he made promises to me that resonated with him on a physical level and as long as the immediate need was met there was no wrongdoing. In this situation his immediate need was to protect the family and in his mind he is protecting our family by not cheating on me. Everything else that emotionally connects and was promised doesn’t matter as long as he achieves his goal of protection and keeping the family together. I was told that if I continue to communicate to him from my level/frequency we will never be equal and there will never be full understanding. I asked if this was a negative indicator in our overall marriage and if I would be better suited with another person, noting here that I don’t feel spiritually fulfilled by my husband and feel maybe this could be a sign that we are on different paths. So I asked this question to the angels with me. The response I received was that nothing will be “better” it will only be different. That a partner on level with my own frequency right now would push me and challenge these energetic qualities I also seek, but is that what I really need? They expressed that my husband is looking for physical ways to fulfill his being, that this is his level of knowing and by him being so presently aware and needy he is also keeping me very present: something that I need while going through my own journey. I understood this to mean that while I need so much time for my own exploration right now to have someone else on that same path might not allow me to be a complete seeker, whereas my husband’s presence allows me to seek. He can bring me back into the real world to also help me learn my lessons.
I was told that I need to nurture myself by accepting my husband’s need for these physical level satisfiers. Because of my frequency I understand that I no longer need such things as alcohol and flirtation or other stimuli to make myself feel fulfilled. Yet someone unknowing of their potential energy will seek out these physical level satisfiers to mimic the feelings they have blocked from their own chakra system. When I received this information I asked if my husband could be caught in an inappropriate situation again with another woman, and was told it is completely possible. I was assured that he is focused on safety for our family, but also saw that down the line if things don’t change for him this could be a situation he faces again. I was told that the lessons I learned while developing my physical level chakras needed to be implemented for full healing and acceptance to come from these energetic centers. I understand that I need to become fully present, release control, become vulnerable, and find my own sense of self confidence no matter what the situation. By having these elements healthy in my own body I will not harbor ill feelings towards my husband when I see him acting out because of his own dysfunctional physical chakras. When someone around us mirrors what we are unwilling to admit about ourselves it becomes very painful to witness. I acknowledge that I seek my higher calling and purpose where he is satisfied with a physical and material existence. I was told it may be possible that my husband chooses to develop his higher energetic centers, but felt that this would be only a mere thread of chance in his quilt of possible life experiences. I understand that we are each on our own paths. If I hope to create a fully realized connection to my husband through our energetic centers. I have to let him be who he will choose to be without setting limitations. I was so upset because my husband could not see how his failure to acknowledge a verbal commitment to me affected my entire being. He was unable to keep his word to me because he was unable to see and feel the full breath with which that contract was made. I understand this now and do not feel this was his fault, but my fault for not acknowledging him in his own space of understanding. He interpreted my request as simply keeping our family safe from outside influence, whereas I was asking him to do so much more for my mental and emotional centers. I leave this meditation with a feeling of uncertainty, but feel relieved to know where each of us stands in this combined spiritual journey. It will be my continued goal to dive even further into my understanding of this and other situations so that I can come to see the entire breath of this throat chakra interaction.
Two days later and I still feel uneasy about the information I received. It is the kids' nap time in our house and being that today is the big celebration day for the men it is just me sitting here with a few hours to kill. Again this writing mid-week is a bit out of the norm from what I am use to, but being that this situation is still not clear I have chosen again to sit in quiet contemplative thought. So here we go again diving right into the depths of the throat center.
Today I had a breakthrough during meditation. The breakthrough pertains to a thought that came to me before meditation about the play between the chakras and how they energetically connect with each other inside our bodies. Before meditation today I grabbed a stone out of my meditation collection. Thus far I have collected on my own stones for the root, sacral, solar plexus, and heart. By way of my grandmother I have also obtained a second full set of stone elephants, all collected at different times in her life. She was nice enough to let me take seven beautifully carved unique elephants. Their composition ranges from jade, turquoise, and amber to some really old exotic ones that I will have to have looked at by a jeweler. Reaching into my bag I intended to find a very small – I mean tiny, smaller than a finger nail – turquoise blue stone elephant that I wanted to use while meditating. I felt what I thought was the little elephant and when I opened my hand to see it I realized I had pulled out a piece of rose jade, which of course I would use for my heart chakra. I put this in my opposite hand and reaching in the bag one more time, finding the blue elephant instantly. I look at both items intending to put one back and realize that maybe I should use both today just in case the heart had any connection that I also needed to hear about. So I proceeded to my favorite small couch by the big window and began my practice. Due to recent events and my current relationship struggles I decided to take the stone selection as guidance and asked for help understanding both the throat and heart centers.
Before I knew it I was again witnessing a visual of the seven chakras all together in their line along the spinal column within the body. I saw how each chakra used the others' energy and how they connected with each other along this line. I saw the Yin and the Yang of the energy and decided to ask if it was time to find out more about this directional flow. Being told it was ok to explore this topic further I continued with my questioning. This is what I discovered: Currently while on this journey I am experiencing a totally exaggerated upward flow of energy through my chakras. Having initiated this flow I have moved steadily from my root chakra and am presently at my throat chakra. Going back to the fight between my husband and me it became clear to me that because I have separated out the meanings and lessons of each chakra from week to week I am having to live through this same fight each week as if I am in the movie Groundhog Day. I am reliving this fight in my everyday life to see it from a different chakra perspective and to see where the blocks are within each center. This happens because all of the chakras' energies are interconnected and what we don’t fully heal will show up in another chakra.
I understand that with the Yin flow of energy from earth to heaven through the chakra column we get to experience situations so that we can grasp the feeling and intention of energy through our bodies. This is our lesson state of flow, or the self-actualizing flow of energy. The following energy flow described is given to express the qualities of a healthy functioning chakra. Starting with the root chakra, take any situation you want to and run it through these next steps. Use the example from your own life as you follow how the energy should flow in a healthy chakra. This flow represents the self actualizing, Yin-ward flow of energy. Our first step is to interpret the situation in the present moment truly feeling the effects it has on our individual body and whether it is offensive or not. Here we ask ourselves if our lives are in danger and we bring into play the flight or fight. Next keeping with this same experience we move into our sacral chakra. Here you try to release control surrounding this situation so that you can acknowledge it from your present state of being, hoping to let things flow naturally. We try to become vulnerable to its meaning and not allow others or the past or future affect our decisions. Meaning we give up trying to control the situation and just let it be. After we relinquish control we gain a sense of pride and confidence surrounding the situation. We do this by not attaching to the emotions from the sacral chakra and allowing those emotions to lead us to a place of stability and strength where we can move from our solar plexus into the heart chakra. After gaining a sense of confidence about the situation we allow our heart centers to open completely. By doing this we can feel into the situation and find what is true or hidden to us from previous experiences. By opening completely we can truly feel what is going on from a state of receptivity, not constriction. Next, moving into the throat chakra, we now have the ability to communicate and verbalize ourselves clearly in the midst of this situation. We can do this from a place of knowledge and understanding. When we do this it helps others to understand what took place.
Continuing this progression we flow into the third eye chakra and can take this situation and broaden the meaning we once had by allowing ourselves to gather further knowledge and perspectives about the situation from a nonjudgmental place. This allows us to further grow from our experience. The final step is to bring this experience into the crown chakra and let it connect with our overall spiritual self: here we gain a higher level of clarity and spiritual direction from the action, and can use it to continue our progression towards the light. Here it becomes our job to recognize that this situation was created specifically so that we could learn and grow in a healthy manner. This is a beautiful way to learn and interpret your life’s lessons.
Now in reversing the flow of energy we will analyze this pattern as it moves in a Yang direction, or from the heavens down towards the earth, meaning we will now explore what happens when the energy moves from the crown chakra to the root chakra. With crown chakra awareness our consciousness understands that all beings are connected and that every action has a higher meaning. Starting this manifesting flow of energy through the crown, we see in a healthy flow that all situations happen for a reason. When something comes up in our field of awareness, we recognize that it is the divine at play trying to get our attention so we stay natural and open to all things happening around us, waiting for guidance. Moving from the crown we wait for the third eye to jump into action inspecting the situation from a 360 degree view. We wait for the unbiased guidance to form and allow this to make its impression. Then we use the throat chakra to speak clearly and with positive effects to help better clarify the situation and create in the third dimensional world what we hope to manifest. Speaking our truth out loud helps to manifest our goals more clearly. Next the heart makes its emotional connection to the situation, giving and receiving a love that has no attachment or needs. The heart then can also be used for healing and comfort, if this is called upon during the course of this situation. When the heart makes its emotional connection to the idea or situation, it then allows this to become more tangible in the third dimension, which helps with manifesting. Next your solar plexus can feel a sense of exceeding confidence towards this outcome, leaving no self doubt. Having confidence and excitement around the situation will allow you to focus your energy completely. Down to the sacral chakra: we are able to connect to the natural flow of the situation, allowing it to find its natural place in the world around us. Finally we arrive to the root chakra where we become connected to the present moment. We are able to stand firmly and grounded knowing we are fully connected to the earth. This is where we have created enough space for our idea or situation to fully manifest in a manner in which we have allowed ourselves to be a co-creator with the divine. I feel this top-down approach to chakra theory is only possible when you’re fully connected to your own method of flowing energy, and it will only be possible to intentionally manifest once you gain clarity on how you use this energy around you. I understand that my own process through the chakras week by week has been laborious and challenging to say the least. This process has brought to the surface so many personas I had no clue I was harboring, but in all honesty I don’t think I would have been able to clear all of these outdated emotions and patterning if I had done it any other way. I know now that it is my purpose to experience my chakras in this way, so that I can develop a deeply rooted connection to my energetic centers and understand how to help others gain clarity through reading these words and also beginning their own energetic process.
Revisiting the situation between my husband and me I acknowledge that I had to live through confusion, because only through confusion could I stop and become present enough to be able to connect to every chakra in a grounded, aware state of being. Going through the self-actualizing yin flow of energy from the root chakra up means I had to face each situation head on. I was expected to live through each opening and watch it affect the physical world around me, not gaining clarity until all facets of old habits and patterning were sifted through. Only after facing the demons of each chakra was I able to use a functional approach to fix and understand the situation I had created from a healthy and balanced approach. I have yet to fully emerge into the power of the crown chakra it is still a few weeks away. I feel so close at this point that I actually shake with anticipation, knowing what soon approaches: the ability to face all obstacles with open enjoyment, and to transform my being into one of complete receptivity no matter the situation. I reflect on this process and acknowledge that I have been able to connect with each chakra in such a fully present state, which has led me to truly know myself. I have started to acknowledge what it feels like to have these chakras interact within my own body. I must say this process has made me feel a bit crazy at times, and especially over these past few days of repetition to gain clarity on this singular situation. Receiving this vision of Yin and Yang energy flow allowed me to reflect more on my current situation with my husband, and gave me hope that I will soon reach a point of no return where the world makes sense and every situation is one of divine creation.
It became clear to me during meditation today that my husband and I met at a time when we were both very rooted in our lower chakras. Upon seeking out spiritual enlightenment I have grown my vibrational field and progressed beyond the lower chakra and its world view into a higher perspective and grander world view. It has been expressed to me though guidance that my husband may never chose to seek out his own divinity as a spiritual being and may be complacent staying on this physical plane. I was also told that the best place for me to be right now was with him because he is helping to catapult my development into becoming my most authentic spiritual self. Because of my husband I am very immersed in the physical world. He helps to bring me back down to a grounded place, which is where I need to be to learn and grow throughout my spiritual seeking. I asked if I will stay with my husband forever in marriage and was told it is highly unlikely that this would happen. I was told that it would take a big shift in my husband to also want to seek his divinity and grow spiritually. It was expressed that if my husband did not have this shift that our souls would part so that each of us could grow further during our journeys here on earth. Becoming more curious as the conversation went on, I then asked how I was supposed to get on in a joyous way when I felt like my needs were not being met on a spiritual level with him. I was told that this was my dysfunction in understanding our current connection. I am benefiting from the presence he creates in my life and I must honor that and seek my own spiritual development for the time being. I asked how I was supposed to turn a blind eye to his material needs, which seemed to hurt and offend me. The answer I received was to remove myself from the situation when it was happening and choose to use those times to develop on my own. I was shown that part of my lesson and growth with him has been to learn that every soul here on earth has their own path. No matter how much we want others to progress at the same pace as us, every soul has its own direction and lesson plan and it is not up to us to try and change that. All of us are seeking evolution, but who’s to say what that means or looks like for each of us individually. My lesson learned through being with my husband is that I cannot control another person’s motivation to progress in this life. I must stay detached from the expectation that every soul wants the same things as I do. I have learned to acknowledge others where they are in their own spiritual development and by doing this I can learn how to communicate with them where they are. By detaching myself from these thoughts, I will allow myself to acknowledge others wherever they are on their own developmental paths. By doing this I will be able to change my communication level and help them better understand where I am coming from. I understand that the more you develop into your divine self the harder it is to connect (in physical terms) with lower frequency beings. It is our job to continue moving through our divine lesson plan so that we may be able to handle all situations from the healthy yin and yang chakra energy connection approach. This will allow us to hear and understand everyone’s truths even if they are not truths that we hold. It will be my goal to meet my husband on his level of understanding as much as I can and not expect that he will want or need the same things I do. I will do my best not to judge him and remember to simply remove myself from the situations that I feel are dysfunctional for a spirit on a journey of enlightenment. I will love and care for him and honor all moments we spend together. I will keep my fingers crossed that my husband finds the motivation to grow with me on this amazing journey and will do everything I can to grow myself to be able to help facilitate this opening for all I surround myself with.
